I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
