Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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