Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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