is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
