I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
