kristin has been a bad kristin
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it glows. i had to have it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
