shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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