Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i dont even know how to be here
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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