I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
