some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
