John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
