fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
