I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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