Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
