dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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