I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
