I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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