Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
