I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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