I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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