So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
