I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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