I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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