I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
