The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
