piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize