The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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