Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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