My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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