I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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