Someone shit on the floor
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
