get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
