Kiss
Puke
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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