I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
