mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
