Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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