i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
