Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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