Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
