i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
