He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize