i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
