DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
