Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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