man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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