Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
