Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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