five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
