I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
