I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
