M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just pee around me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
