I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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