Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
3 2 1 whiskey
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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