He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize