she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize