this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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