I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
