I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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