I got chris browned last night
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
