i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
