how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
