My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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