if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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