I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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